I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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