I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
