So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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