If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
