Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
