we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize