I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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