Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
