Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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