well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
