I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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