in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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