gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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