I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
