Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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