So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
