i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
