Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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