wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
