So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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