I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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