A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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