we have officially lost it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
