then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
