just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize