John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
