Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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