I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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