I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize