the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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