had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
