when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do vagina's smell?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
