the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
