Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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