Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
