Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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