i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
