well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
