It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
