wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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