How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
