I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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