he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
