saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
