He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My life is pants optional.
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