So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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