Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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