a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
