he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
