are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
