Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
