Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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