I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
