I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
