I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
