took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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