how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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