I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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