Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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