Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
