I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
