PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
