..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
